What are some things that bother you in your relationship?

Chances are other couples are saying the same thing!

Couples complain about seemingly minor things that drive them ‘bananas’ about their partners.  Anything from snoring to how they part their hair might be on the list.  Some researchers have shown that men and women will differ in what they see as bothersome in their relationship.  In a recent article entitled, You’re Driving Me Crazy, the author mentions that these differences are greatly influential on how satisfied we will be with our relationships.  The author mentions that University of Louisville psychologist Michael Cunningham has found the following:

Men’s complaints about women include:

  • the silent treatment
  • bringing up things he’s done in the distant past
  • being too hot or too cold
  • being critical
  • being stubborn and refusing to give in


Women’s complaints about men include:

  • forgetting important dates, like birthdays or anniversaries
  • not working hard at his job
  • noisily burping or passing gas
  • staring at other women
  • being stubborn and refusing to give in

How do these relate to your relationship? Do you have similar complaints?

If so, how can you improve how you view your relationship?


Take a new look at things.

While you may not completely eliminate the complaints about your spouse, one way in which you can begin to feel happier is by considering your relationship from a new perspective.  We often fail to recognize the positive things we have in our relationship because we are so busy being focused on what is getting under our skin.  Take the time to see things from your partner’s perspective.

It’s not all about you.

Consider that not everything they are doing is intended to bother you.  Are you cranky? Are you feeling down? Our mood can affect how we interpret other’s actions.  Try to take some time to yourself to gather your thoughts and improve your mood.

Don’t take it personally.

Perhaps they are having a bad day.  They might be stressed out with a project at work or the boss is driving THEM crazy and they are taking it out on you. Unfortunately, we will often take things out on our loved ones when we are at our worst. Take a step back and consider that this person loves you and means the best for you.  Talk about things afterwards when you are both calm.

What bothers you about your partner?

How do you change your perspective to keep positive about your relationship?

Belky Perez Schwartz is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in Florida and on Breakthrough.com.  Read more about Belky Perez Schwartz on her website.